The More the Merrier
by Inefficient
Summary: His Divine Shadow has a surprise for the Lexx crew.
1. Chapter 1

before the fall of the divine shadow

There is nothing really special about a class 5 cargo vessel. Probably because it was built on an out of the way cluster planet by people with no real imagination. It was made in three parts bridge, cargo bay, and engine room. Those three parts were then assembled in that order to make a ship that looks like a brick. A very plain brick. This particular ship's pilot is named Ned. His navigator is a slightly more intelligent women by the name of Dall. She tends to be more inquisitive than her captain and is presently looking around the bridge. Its a plain room with riveted metal walls, discolored by a lack of cleaning. In the front of that room is the viewing window and the instrument panel. In the back of the room is the door that takes her to the cargo bay and away from the dull captain. She frequently leaves through this escape when he has been to long in space. Ned sometimes has a hard time with his hands. They tend to wander around. If Dall gets close enough.

"I wonder what his shadow wants with a couple of corpses," says Dall.

"Well he musta had a reason or we wouldn't be gettin paid so good," her fearless captain grunts.

"Maybe he wants those funny ships they had," suggests Dall.

Ned rattles off one of his usual statements, "Well, its not our place to question his shadow.."

"I think ill check on the cargo," says Dall obviously frustrated by her captain's lack of willingness to think. She slides out of her chair and walks the familiar path to the cargo bay. Ned takes this opportunity to stare longingly at her retreating backside.

"Women, always curious," utters Ned.

The cargo bay is a simple metal box with a door at either end. One to the bridge and one to the engine room. Most of the bay is stained green from an algae that was picked up on some strange planet and was never totally washed away. Today was one of the few days that Dall actually took an interest in the cargo. They had hunted for months to find the little bugs and they're pilots. Dall reaches out and puts her hand on one of the bugs. She walks along the length of it running her fingers along the bumps and grooves. The bug reminds her of the insects that used to fly around on the cluster. Luckily the spray killed those pests along with most of the populations pets.

"Strange little things," she tells the green tinged walls.

Dall walks past the second bug ship and comes closer to the 2 crates in the back of the cargo bay. The contents smelled so horrible when she and the captain pulled them out of the bugs. They were 2 men mummified by the extremely low atmosphere left in the bugs. Even with the mummification they still looked to be in an advanced state of decomposition. She was glad when they sealed them up in the crates. She didn't look forward to unpacking them.

Again she says, "They don't even look human anymore. What could he do with them?"

The Lexx however is a different story. Never has a more interesting ship been built/grown. The most destructive single ship ever made. It would be nearly impossible to describe this ship as it keeps growing. It is a massive bug containing an amazing crew. Stan the captain: former security guard class 4, former arch-traitor, a reluctant (though perverted) hero. Xev: a surprisingly chaste love-slave that is part cluster lizard. 790: a 790 model robot head that is obsessed with Xev. Kai: the last of the Brunen G and a recently freed divine assassin. Now on the bridge Stan instructs the Lexx on the type of planet they are looking for.

"C'mon lexx its not that hard," pleads Stan.

"I'm not sure what you mean Stanly," replies Lexx.

"I just want to find a nice planet with attractive women and good food," says the frustrated captain.

"What is attractive Stanly?" asks Lexx.

"Good looking, hot, you know pretty," says Stan

"Quit your babbling Tweedle. Why would the Lexx listen to a revolting bag of meat like you?" asks 790 in a disgusted voice.

"Because I'm the captain and not just some silly... robot head! Why don't you go bug Xev?" says an irritated Stan.

"Sadly, my beautiful ball of lust is in the cryo room," replied 790 in a hurt tone.

Inside the cryo room Xev is talking to the pod that encompasses Kai. The hurt look on her face is a sign of the need of her love-slave programming.

"Why do you have to be dead? You have everything I need except for life. Why can't there be more men like you?" Xev asks in a sad voice that seems made to break hearts.

On the cluster The Divine Shadow is standing in a room with Dall, Ned, and their cargo. His Shadow approaches the twin crates.

"Well what are you waiting for?" He demands.

Ned produces a crowbar from behind his back and proceeds to pry open one of the crates. The room fills with a dark stench as the crate snaps open. His Shadow peers intently down at the contents.

"We sealed up what was left of 'em Well as best we could anyway," says Ned nervously.

"How are the ships?" demands His Shadow.

"They look like they would fly again after a little work," Dall replies.

"Excellent," says His Shadow as he gestures for the guard at the door.

"So about that b-bounty?" stammers Ned as His Shadow withdraws from the room.

"I worship His Shadow," states the guard as he pulls out his black pack. Dall screams but it is cut short by the sound of the black pack doing its work. Ned was thinking intently about what he could do with Dall's half of the bounty. Until the guard turned towards him.

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2

Stan is walking through the Lexx looking for intelligent company. He has grown tired of explaining things to Lexx and 790 doesn't make things any easier. Its almost as if that robot was built to annoy Stanly Tweedle. Things would be so much better with a little female interaction. He is the captain of the Lexx after all. Shouldn't he be satisfied? Stan entered the passage to the cryo room. If only the Lexx could find him a suitable planet populated by good people. Pretty female people. Stan stops at the edge of the cryo room when he sees Xev. She's leaning on the pod that contains Kai. She presses one of her hands to the surface of the pod. The pained expression on her face is a mirror of the way Stan is feeling. Stan removes his hat and twists it between his hands. He understands exactly how she's feeling right now. Xev turns and walks out the other exit. Stan methodically straightens his hat and places it back on his head. He walks in and stands between the two pods and strains to see the contents of the pod that houses the last of the Brunen G.

"You know Kai, its a shame that you're dead," says Stan. "If you were alive at least Xev would be happy. I don't know what she sees in you, though. You're just a corpse."

Stan reflected back on the times that Kai had been there to save Xev and himself. Stan was never a fighter. The only time that he felt powerful was when he was in charge of the Lexx. If only he could be more like Kai. Not that he would ever want to go through what the last of the Brunen G had been through. The assassin had killed many people without thinking. That was before Stan met him. At least he's thinking now. He would probably save everyone a few more times. It's good to have an old assassin on board sometimes.

"Thanks for saving us Kai," says Stan, "You're not that bad for a dead guy."

On the bridge 790 watches the view screen. His simulated eyes rapidly move back and forth as he takes in the information. He uses very little of his processing capacity to scan the screen. Most of it is reserved for thinking of Xev. Or for planning the demise of all men. They are only competition for Xev's attention. He would start with Tweedle. That insufferable class 4 scum was always coming between him and Xev. Something special would be in store for Tweedle. That thought made 790 feel like singing. He often likes to compose songs about the perfect love that he had for Xev. A dot appeared on the view screen and distracted more of 790's processor. Dots always seemed to mean trouble but Xev had told him that they were important to her. That made dots very important to him.

Stan found Xev in her bed chamber. She was lying on her back staring at the ceiling. He approached her slowly so that he wouldn't disturb her. She turned and looked up at him.

"What do you want, Stan?" asks Xev.

"I just thought we could talk about something," mumbles her captain.

"Like what, Stan?" Xev asks.

"We've been alone on the Lexx for awhile now," says Stan.

"We're not alone, Stan, we have 790 and Kai with us," says Xev.

"They don't count. They aren't human. They don't have human needs," Stan says.

"Oh," says Xev as she begins to understand.

Xev sees the look of hunger in Stan's eyes. She understands the want that he feels but she knows that she could never feel the same way that he does. Not about him anyway. She feels very sorry for Stan and slightly for herself. Maybe if she gave Stan what he wanted then they would both be happier. They had been away from other people for a while now. Her thoughts again float to the dead man in the cryo room. If he was alive she would never be in these situations. But he isn't alive and Stan is.

"All I'm saying is that we have human needs that don't really need to be denied," pleads Stan.

"Alright, Stan, just this once," says the sultry love slave slowly.

"Do you mean it Xev?" Stan asks. "Its not nice to toy with me Xev."

"I mean it, Stan," Xev says. "But, I decide what we do and if we do it again."

"Whatever you say, Xev," says a very relieved security guard.

Stan moves in closer to Xev. He licks his lips in anticipation. For the first time in a long while Stan feels like nothing could ever go wrong. Xev looks at Stan and tries to convince herself that this is a good idea. She isn't attracted to him but she needs this almost as much as him. Maybe this will change their situation for the better. She steps closer to him as her love slave programming takes over.

"Stanly, I see something out of the ordinary," says the Lexx.

Relief washes over Xev almost as fast as the dread that washes over Stan.

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
